Big Picture Strategies

    This idea is, like a few other posts, something that could go on the theology blog, but I am putting it on the mental health blog because I think that it could especially help people who have trouble with some of their goals and skills of living because of mental illness.  And sometimes some of the troubles people have are because of their mental illness and they don't know it, like feelings of laziness and undone chores, or habits that people can't seem to break.

   But anyway, in my twenties, I felt like such a failure all the time and there were so many things that I just couldn't fix.  For instance, my car was messy for all the years I had a car, and I could rarely have passengers. I also have had trouble eating well and often found myself eating fast food or frozen meals that I didn't really want instead of taking the time to cook, or sometimes, I felt like I splurged on groceries to cook when I should have eaten a frozen meal.  I mean some of that is just always feeling like I could never do anything right when really it was probably okay to just eat whatever I could. 

   But anyway, I mention those examples because those categories where people like me feel like we can't ever get anything right do add up and make us feel like we can't accomplish anything.  And having OCD just makes people more scrupulous about everything, including religion and socializing.

   But I found that especially because of working and going to school, that what I would call "big picture" interventions or some kind of large framework activity, totally changed my life, helped me be a generally more productive person, and took my mind off the details.  It is as simple as saying that I kept a job and did some school programs. Maybe it would be better to say it that way than making it sound like some kind of advanced mental health strategy, but I do think there is something about the structural nature of what helped me that is good to share for people who get trapped trying to improve their lives in perpetually microscopic ways that never quite work out.

   What I am saying is that some of those microscopic things get worked out automatically when there are bigger goals that people actually care about, like art, or writing poetry, or being part of a sports team or writing group, or doing some kind of volunteer work.  And I also found that some of my smaller self-improvement goals really were impossible, and I let them go.  I was more able to accept my imperfections (which actually are pretty significant) because I had other stuff going for me.  And I think a lot of people might say, well, hmm, I think it might have been better to go ahead and keep a clean room or eat less sugar or read the Bible in less haphazard ways, but I want to say that really there aren't that many critics who really do have other people's foibles and faults on their list of things to worry about, and nothing has helped me more than signing up for school and going to classes and making a few bigger decisions that result in some of my life schedule already being decided for a while.  The big goals also help distract me from depression and suicidal thinking, and while so many people don't have money for extravagant education , or access to a broad selection of arts programming that they can be a part of, it is likely that there is some kind of thing, whether it is church or volunteering or a mental health group, that can be worked in to people's lives so they set their alarm at 10 am for a purpose instead of setting their alarm at 6 am to try to prove to themselves and to the wind that they are still disciplined.

Good mourning

A friend of mine's stepmom once said that she thought that Post Traumatic Stress Disorder should be called Post Traumatic Stress "Order" because of course people would have nervous breakdowns from such horrible experiences. And as much as I do think mental disorders mostly truly are disorders and medical conditions, I occasionally go ahead and let myself think about life and conclude that any amount of broken mindedness and broken heartedness is not only appropriate in this sad world but possibly the only right state of mind.  I mean, for people to read the news and somehow live on without severe depression must be some kind of mental illness that they should be institutionalized for.  And I even see a case for thinking that the most outrageous delusions and hallucinations might arise from a very accurate assessment of a reality that is too tragic to accept at face value. I don't mean to sound like I am wishing panic attacks on people, because of course I am not, but I think that every now and then it might be good for everyone to go ahead and admit that it does seem like a lot of the people in the mental hospitals are the ones who really seem to "get it" and understand life with all its heart wrenching ways.

A helpful OCD and psychosis intervention

   I am putting this post on my mental health blog even though to me it really could be on the theology blog.  This post is about one of my strategies that helps me get through situations when I feel like I fall short of important standards in front of everyone.  A lot of behavior details matter to me, and I do think that small interactions can be very important and very representative of people's character and regard for other people.  But I do have some crazy neurosis and psychosis, so when I go wrong on a little detail and say the wrong thing or don't stick up for my faith and beliefs, or give a false impression or forget something important, I feel terrible and also feel ashamed in front of imagined onlookers who probably have their own goals to think about. It is a recipe for torment, but I have found a great mental and spiritual solution that works almost every time to help me accept my imperfections.  The thing that works is simply taking a few moments to think of letting someone else get the honor that I would have gotten for keeping certain standards.  You know, for everything I get wrong, there are people who would and who do get it right, and who don't bail on people and don't let people get picked on in their presence, and who do a better job of reporting suspicious packages at the subway. So when I fail, I have found that because I am so driven to be perfect, I actually can understand and feel happy for other people who actually achieve that vision, and I can successfully console myself by thinking about someone else getting some kind of glory, and some kind of reward, and some kind of credit in our world or even on the actual Judgment Day in heaven.  Some of this could be material for comedy, but to me it is a serious thing deep in my heart and I am thankful to be able to get such relief for every failure and to know that some of the service in the world and the good deeds from each other that we all rely on and sometimes take for granted are actually not that easy. And failure is a reminder of the cost of all the successes, and a comforting guarantee that I can look forward to other people's rewards as much as my own.

Lowerarchies

    In my early years of mental illness, I was in agony all the time but was able to hide a lot of my illness to the point where a lot of people just thought I was some kind of selfish loser with a bad attitude.  I always kind of wished that I had less pain and more visible symptoms so I could get credit for being mentally ill but felt better.  My illness now is a little bit like that, and though I am definitely heartbroken about a lot of it, I would like to say that I was kind of right about some of the way I thought that it might be nicer to have a more obvious illness with less pain.  And my symptoms now are very crazy schizophrenia symptoms that are considered by many to objectively be the worst mental illness that a person can have.  But as a person with that privileged status, I would like to say that any mental illness and even heartbreak that isn't mental illness can zap people as much as any other category.  Depression and anxiety seem so normal, almost like healthy human emotions, but they can both be entire disorders that devastate people beyond comprehension.  I have had all kinds of different depression feelings before, and some different kinds of anxiety, and I just want to say that they are not lesser mental illnesses in any way than the stuff that makes me talk to myself and hit myself in the middle of a job interview. And I still think no matter what I say, people will never understand how painful depression can be, and how debilitating anxiety can be, but I will still say that if people tell me they are so sorry that I have schizoaffective disorder and a whole mess of other symptoms, I might genuinely say sometimes, that "at least it's not PMS."