Well everyone, it's almost Halloween, and a nice time to let everyone know something I believe about myself which is that I believe I am a person who could have turned out to be a serial killer or some kind of monster predator. It's not really about mental illness, though that does add another dimension to it, but it's really just that I have always known I have a mean streak, and a sick streak, and a humor streak that could have been combined to make me a really bad person who could have ended up being an infamous criminal who hurt people in "creative" ways.
I have a lot of really cool friends who watch horror movies with no problem, and make jokes like "I am going to kill you," and stuff like that, which may sound sick on paper but are actually things people say when they are securely in their own mind and heart not a threat to anyone and know it. But I have not usually made jokes like that. I laugh at some sick jokes sometimes, and am probably posting a funny cartoon with this post from that category, but I have been all too careful not to say threats, or to indulge too much in certain kinds of writing, like true crime and horror movies. It is often the more innocent people who can enjoy learning about that stuff, or who can read it without feeding an actual appetite for destruction. And a lot of people are scared to watch scary movies because then they can't go to sleep without worrying about every creak in their house. But I can't watch scary movies for a different reason, which is that I am scared I will turn out like one of the bad guys. I just know that in my soul there has always been a risk of that, and that my sense of humor and slight anger, and even innocent curiosity about what would happen if I did turn to the dark side, just cant be trusted to the point that I am careful not to feed that wolf, as that proverb goes. Because I think I might not just have a wolf to feed, but some kind of gremlin. Anyway, I read joke books like the Onion and feed friendly imaginary animals and have turned out to be a children's book writer. It is because I decided to follow Jesus Christ starting in middle school, and I looked for ways to be a good person. Honestly I went overboard sometimes, which is not recommended, and I have annoyed a lot of people and been an active part in my family's terrible social problems. But I also haven't viciously torn people apart, either in their hearts or literally by eating their flesh on video and chopping up people with a witty pattern of mysterious letters and a blood treasure hunt linked to terrorism.
It is something to think about, and a related topic has to do with what is actually horror. A lot of time the real horrors in life have to do with people feeling left out, marriages falling apart, failing at something because people were too hard on you, and thousands of other heartbreaks that would never be the topics of blood and gore movies. So even the most innocent people who know that the local news crime pages are not about them, should do everything they can to guard other people's hearts from normal daily crushings. Because those of us who read that same news and wonder if the police are about to knock on our door, don't need any more problems either, even if it is just a fast food worker leaving off the sauce from our lunch break order, or a facebook post that didn't get liked enough, or if you are going to make cupcakes but a grocery store sells steak knives in the bakery section.
I have a lot of really cool friends who watch horror movies with no problem, and make jokes like "I am going to kill you," and stuff like that, which may sound sick on paper but are actually things people say when they are securely in their own mind and heart not a threat to anyone and know it. But I have not usually made jokes like that. I laugh at some sick jokes sometimes, and am probably posting a funny cartoon with this post from that category, but I have been all too careful not to say threats, or to indulge too much in certain kinds of writing, like true crime and horror movies. It is often the more innocent people who can enjoy learning about that stuff, or who can read it without feeding an actual appetite for destruction. And a lot of people are scared to watch scary movies because then they can't go to sleep without worrying about every creak in their house. But I can't watch scary movies for a different reason, which is that I am scared I will turn out like one of the bad guys. I just know that in my soul there has always been a risk of that, and that my sense of humor and slight anger, and even innocent curiosity about what would happen if I did turn to the dark side, just cant be trusted to the point that I am careful not to feed that wolf, as that proverb goes. Because I think I might not just have a wolf to feed, but some kind of gremlin. Anyway, I read joke books like the Onion and feed friendly imaginary animals and have turned out to be a children's book writer. It is because I decided to follow Jesus Christ starting in middle school, and I looked for ways to be a good person. Honestly I went overboard sometimes, which is not recommended, and I have annoyed a lot of people and been an active part in my family's terrible social problems. But I also haven't viciously torn people apart, either in their hearts or literally by eating their flesh on video and chopping up people with a witty pattern of mysterious letters and a blood treasure hunt linked to terrorism.
It is something to think about, and a related topic has to do with what is actually horror. A lot of time the real horrors in life have to do with people feeling left out, marriages falling apart, failing at something because people were too hard on you, and thousands of other heartbreaks that would never be the topics of blood and gore movies. So even the most innocent people who know that the local news crime pages are not about them, should do everything they can to guard other people's hearts from normal daily crushings. Because those of us who read that same news and wonder if the police are about to knock on our door, don't need any more problems either, even if it is just a fast food worker leaving off the sauce from our lunch break order, or a facebook post that didn't get liked enough, or if you are going to make cupcakes but a grocery store sells steak knives in the bakery section.
